Raise
your glass
to the goal celebration
that debatable, inflatable
show of elation
forget about the handshake
and the pat on the back
now you can get your kecks off
just for the crack
front
crawl, back flip, shirt above the head
Fat Boy Slim meets Radiohead
you’ve
got the critical analytic
the dancing paralytic
the mover, the improver
the impossible manouvre
the stronger, the conga
the short and the longer
the audition, the magician
and the position in the mission
front
crawl, back flip, shirt above the head
Fat Boy Slim meets Radiohead
then
there’s the immune, the lampoon
the layin’ it on with a spoon
the ambitious, the auspicious
and the repetitious
the circus-style showstopper
verging on the improper
the rumble, the stumble
and the accidental fumble
front
crawl, back flip, shirt above the head
Fat Boy Slim meets Radiohead
there’s
the adorer, the ignorer
the richer, the poorer
the ironic, the harmonic
the chronic sardonic
the glorious, laborious
the send them victorious
the warmer, the informer
and the teenage lukewarmer
front crawl, back flip, shirt above the head
Fat Boy Slim meets Radiohead
then
there’s the floater, the voter
the lower league bloater
the emotional, the notional
the cheesey self-promotional
the persued, the subdued
the shrewd and the tattooed
the spouting, the shouting
and the sting-ring pouting
the
diddle and the doddle
the ‘Forgive Me Father’ Hoddle
the uncertain final curtain
with the going for a burton
the prone to brag
the cabaret gag
and the X Factor audition
with the corner flag
front
crawl, back flip, shirt above the head
Fat Boy Slim meets Radiohead
then
the keeper, the sweeper
and the mascot Grim Reaper
swap a huddle for a cuddle
and Swan Lake for a puddle
with a bit of a dive
and the jukebox jive
then up in the air
for another high five
kiss the crest, bare your chest
and show a crap slogan on your big girls’
vest
front
crawl, back flip, shirt above the head
Fat Boy Slim meets Radiohead
and
what about the struggle, the snuggle
the dancing partner juggle
the squeezer, the sneezer
and the ‘come and chase me’ geezer
the illegal, the regal
the smokin’ beagle
the felled, the gelled
the jet-propelled
the yeller, the teller
the three crates of Stella
the resplendent, the transcendent
the car park attendant
the drifter, the shifter
the early bath shirt-lifter
the shredder, the threader
and the bend-over spreader
but
let’s have some perspective
you’ve only scored a goal
you haven't housed the homeless
or taken millions off the dole
you haven’t saved the planet
or spread peace from east to west
I’m bored to death now so just shake hands
and give it a friggin’ rest
front
crawl, back flip, shirt above the head
Fat Boy Slim meets Radiohead
