Once
upon a couple of times
There was a girl and she was mine
If beauty's skin deep , this was real
She'd had a chemical peel
And
so I took her by the hand
Kissed her on the hot dog stand
And underneath the sky at night
I felt her cellulite
With
a crayfish and rocket sandwich in pocket we
re-played all night long
Drawn by a pelmet of strawberry velvet
I stayed for a crumpet with a butter trumpet
The like of which not seen since 'Last Tango
In Paris'
She
sipped her tea and dunked her scone
She said we two should become one
And slip inside the same warm glove
I said 'I don't do love'
She
stamped her hands, clapped her feet
Had liposuction on Rodney Street
Puckered up in the cafe bogs
She'd been out kissing frogs
With
her smoker's cocophony I couldn't get her off
me, I dropped like a pumice stone
Romance is dead, this is what she said
It was strangled by men again and again
Who left women to clean up the mess
And
so it came as no surprise
She disappeared before my eyes
Took the black and white tv
It didn't really bother me
I've
got a retro radio now
And a slightly furrowed brow
I've grown to love an oven glove
'cos I don't do love
